The Talkshow of Doom
by dani-pandy
Summary: What happens when a small teenager has the Ouran host club as guests on her talkshow? Rated T for dani's bad mouthy-ness.
1. A few errors

**I do not own the host club only spazzy giraffee productions and the dani show.**

**So enjoy...LET THE MADNESS COMMENCE!!!!!**

* * *

Tamaki: Welcome to the host club!

Dani: (runs out) TAMAKI FOR THE LAST TIME THIS IS NOT THE THIRD MUSIC ROOM THIS IS MY CHAT SET!

(Hits him over the head with a hairbrush) And who gave you permission to greet all my loving audience members hmmm?

Tamaki: But…but…but…I'm king! (Sulks in the corner)

Dani: being king in your own fantasy-land doesn't mean you get to be King of this chat! Now shut up and be a good little co-host or I will replace you with a bonsai tree!

Tamaki: (still sulking)

Dani: (sighs and straightens the tie on her very own boy's uniform from Ouran) How Haruhi puts up with you I will never know…(looks to the first camera) anyways! Hello and welcome to the show, I'm Dani. (Bows) Why the outfit you ask?? Well it's to celebrate none other than the fascinating host club and Tamaki.

Tamaki: YOU'RE SO CRUEL! (Anime tears)

Dani: (turns towards him) SHUT UP TAMAKI!

(Turns back around) That over there in the emo corner growing mushrooms on my stage is Tamaki Suoh, the self-proclaimed "King" of the host club.

Tamaki: …(Still sulking)

Dani: (throws a shoe at him) SAY HI DAMN IT! SUCK IT UP AND QUIT BEING SUCH A DRAMA KING!

Tamaki: (Appears beside her, his eyes shining) you called me king! (Hugs her tightly) Hello you wonderful people!! (Waves to the audience)

Dani: GET OFF ME! I SWEAR I WILL (censored for being too violent)

Tamaki: (cowering under a chair)

Dani: any who, next up is Kyoya: The vice president, money handler, and Tamaki's baby sitter. (Claps as he walks out) welcome Kyoya-sempai!

Kyoya: Hello Dani, my you look adorable in that uniform. (Writing something down in that notebook of his as he takes a seat)

Dani: Teehee thanks Kyo-Kyo! Next up is Takashi, known to his clients and practically every fan girl out there as Mori-sempai!

(Claps again as he comes out) Mori-Mori! (Runs to him and hugs him tightly as he spins her around before taking his seat)

Mori: …(smiles)

Dani: I swear I will get you to speak more than one word! Mark my words Kendo-man. (Points at Mori dramatically)

Hunny: (runs out) Dani-Chan! Dani-Chan! (Jumps on her back) You look so cute Dani-Chan! We do we get to have cake?!

Dani: (sighs) after the show…this my pretty viewers is Hunny-sempai, and his bunny Usa-Chan.

Hunny: Hi Everyone!!!!!!!! (The twins and haruhi walk out on stage)

Karou and Hikaru: Dani-Chan what's taking so long? You haven't finished your introductions?

Dani: I'm trying!!! I really am but everyone just comes out on stage before their introduction and I had to deal with Tamaki!!!!!! (Sobs)

~A few minutes later~

Haruhi: uh, Dani? What about the show?

Dani: (lying in the emo corner) I'm in my dark place…

Tamaki: I guess I'll just have to take over~ (strikes a dramatic pose) As the responsible Co-host and King that I- (gets hit with another shoe)

Dani: (standing up, glaring at him) NO! I'll do it!!!!!!!

Tamaki: But…(sulks)

~A few more minutes later~

Dani: Tamaki…you can't answer questions from the corner…

Tamaki: …Why Dani? Why won't you love Daddy! (Tears streaming down his face)

Dani: Because…(Sighs) whatever! Onto Quest-

Hunny: but Dani-Chan… (Tugs at her jacket sleeve)

Dani: (glares) ONTO QUESTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hunny: (runs to Mori crying)

Mori: (glares)

Dani: (Screams) YOU KNOW WHAT?! I QUIT! FIND YOURSELF A NEW PERSON TO RUN THIS SHOW! (Storms off and returns with a baseball bat, and proceeds to start smashing the set)

Host members: (Look at her scared before running off, Hunny being carried by Mori)

Dani: Take this Spazzy Giraffee Productions and shove it! (Smashes the camera)

~ A stand by signal appears on the screen~

* * *

**Does dani actually quit her own show?! Will hunny sempai ever get his cake?! STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT!**

* * *


	2. duct tape fixes everything but tamakis

**when we last left off...things were rather...not nice...let's take a look now at our hostess and the host club**

**( I DO NOT OWN HOST CLUB ONLY DANI) **

* * *

Dani: (Sitting on Mori's lap eating cake)

Hunny: Are you okay now Dani-chan? (Takes a bite of his cake)

Dani: (Nods) Yeah Hunny-Kun! I'm fine! (Takes a bite of cake)

Kyoya: (writing down something) Dani, this is going to cost you quite a lot of money to fix the damage you caused to your set…And the therapy Tamaki's going to need...

Dani: No it won't Kyo-Kyo…

Kyoya: oh? And how do you plan to fix this?

Dani: (Hops off of Mori's lap and pulls out a roll of hot pink duct tape from her pocket) DUCT TAPE!!!

(Everyone but Hunny and Dani looks at her oddly)

Haruhi: How exactly is that going to help Tamaki?

Dani: It won't! (Grins)

Tamaki: (curled up in a ball shaking) so much anger in such a small body…

The Twins: She reminds us of Hunny sempai!

Dani: (Throws tape at the twins) you two…make yourselves useful and start taping things back together!

Twins: Yes sir!! (Both salute and get to work)

Dani: Mori-sempai! Haruhi! (Points at them) you two calm Tama-Nii-San down!

Mori: ah. (Grabs Haruhi before she can protest)

Dani: Kyo-Kyo!

Kyoya: Yes Dani? (Still writing)

Dani: Hire back everyone I fired in my rampage!

Hunny: What about me Dani-Chan?

Dani: WE EAT CAKE! (Sits back down with Hunny while everyone else works)

Hunny: (happily eats his cake)

~ A few hours later~

Dani: (looks over the set that is held together with various colors of duct tape) well…(her sign that says Dani's Show falls down a bit) this will have to do…great job men…and Haruhi! (Gives a thumbs up)

Tamaki: (back to his annoying self) Dani-Chan! (Holds up a flower print dress for her) Put it on! Put it on for Daddy!

Dani: NO! I AM NOT WEARING THAT!!!!

Tamaki: But…you'd look so cute!!!!!!!!!!!

Dani: no…make haruhi wear it.

Haruhi: he's tried believe me…

Kyoya: Why don't you two have a competition?

Tamaki and Dani: Competition?

Kyoya: Yeah, if you lose Dani you have to wear the dress…

Tamaki: AND CALL ME DADDY!

Dani: Shut up Tamaki!

Tamaki: (shuts up)

Kyoya: Anyways…and if you win dani…

Dani: I WANT TO SEE WHAT'S IN YOUR NOTEBOOK KYO-KYO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kyoya: no!

Dani: (glares) I said… I WANT TO SEE WHAT'S IN YOUR NOTEBOOK!!!!!!!!

Tamaki: Kyoya just let her!!!!

Kyoya: Fine, but only if you win.

Dani: Yes!

Haruhi: Sempai, what's the challenge going to be anyways?

* * *

**What exactly does Kyoya have in mind?**

**Will Dani have to wear a dress and call tamaki Daddy?**

STAY TUNED!!!!!!


	3. Uhoh

**I DON'T OWN THE HOST CLUB!**

**A/n: I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Evil-Fishsticks-of-DOoM for giving me the idea for this...and being the first person to reveiw this madness of words and letters!!!**

**So what does Kyoya have planned?????**

* * *

Kyoya: Hmm…A cake eating competition?

Twins: They did that last week.

Kyoya: Trying to get Mori to say a full sentence?

Hunny: They did that yesterday.

Kyoya: red light, green light?

Dani: YEAH!!!! LET'S PLAY THAT! I LIKE THAT GAME!!!!!

Tamaki: (Strikes one of his weird Tamaki poses) yes! Then it is settled.

Dani: Everyone else is playing too!

Twins: we are?

Dani: (holds up the bat) Yes…are you questioning me?

Twins: No sir!

Dani: good. Let's go!

~Outside~

Kyoya: The rules are simple…the first person to link pinkies with myself wins.

Dani: (jumping up and down raising her hand) Kyoya!!!

Kyoya: yes dani?

Dani: what happens if Tama-Nii-San or myself doesn't win?

Kyoya: …then you two have to do whatever the winner says.

(Everyone but Kyoya are lined up at the starting point)

Kyoya: (has his back to them) green light.

Dani and Tamaki: (takes off running while everyone else walks behind them)

Kyoya: (turns around) red light!

(Everyone stops but Dani who pushes Tamaki over)

Kyoya: Dani, Tamaki you two moved go back to the starting line.

Tamaki: She pushed me!

Dani: Suck it up Blondie!

Tamaki: (pouts then pulls her down by the leg)

Dani: HEY! (Lands beside him)

Tamaki and Dani: (stare at each other before dani tackles him)

Tamaki: get off! (both of them start rolling around fighting each other)

Dani: you're in for it no- (CRACK!!!!!!!!!!!)

Tamaki: (Screams)

* * *

**Uh-oh...**

**What was that strange Cracking noise?**

**And why is Tamaki Screaming?  
**

**Also...why isn't this not that much of a talkshow anymore?**

**WHO KNOWS!!!!  
**

**wait...I do... **

**Stay tuned!!**


	4. the hospital

**Again I'd like to dedicate this to evil fishtick of doom. I DON'T OWN THE HOST CLUB!!!!!!**

**So what is dani up to this time?**

* * *

Dani: Dear viewers…uh…If you haven't noticed we're currently on location at the Ootori Hospital. (Laughs nervously)…you see…I may of…broken Tamaki's arm…(more nervous laughter)

Haruhi: you did break his arm, and then you poked it with a stick to see if it hurt.

Dani: Shut up Haruhi!

Kyoya: Tamaki's not going to be happy about this.

Dani: I know how to fix it!!!!!

Hikaru: let me guess…Duct tape?

Dani: nope…STICKERS! (Holds up packages of bunny stickers)

Hunny: YAY! They're so cute!!!!!!!! (Dani puts one on his forehead)

~ a while later~

Tamaki: (walks out loopy from the medication, His arm in a hot pink cast)

Dani: hey Tama-Tama how you feeling buddy?

Tamaki: (glares)

Dani: So…Tamaki…anything you want me to do for you?

Tamaki: The dress. Put it on. (Keeps glaring as he hands her the dress)

Dani: y-yes sir! (Runs off and returns wearing the flowery dress) Anything else Tamaki?

Tamaki: I'm sorry anything else…what?

Dani: daddy! I meant anything else daddy!

Tamaki: (smirks)

Dani: Why are you looking at me like that?

Tamaki: Hikaru, Karou…get her.

Twins: (walk towards her grinning) come here princess…

Dani: Oh Shit! RUN AWAY! (Takes off down the halls of the hospital and outside)

~A few hours later~

Tamaki: (Sitting on a throne on the set) Come on out princess…daddy wants to see you in the outfit he picked out.

Hunny: (sitting on Mori's lap drawing and putting bunny stickers on Tamaki's cast)

Dani: NO! I am not coming out.

Tamaki: Oh yes you are. Boys!

Twins: (go into the dressing room and pulls out a pissed off dani wearing bunny ears and a bunny tail along with a black bathing suit looking thing)

Tamaki, Hunny and the Twins: aww! You're so cute!

Haruhi: Better you than me Dani-Chan.

Kyoya: (smirks and keeps writing)

Mori: (smiles)

Dani: I hate all of you. (Glares while blushing)

Tamaki: How about you hop on into the kitchen and bring us some tea…

Hunny: AND CAKE!

Dani: (glares and storms off into the kitchen)

Tamaki: that's not hopping!

Dani: (flips him the finger and then starts hopping)

Haruhi: sempai…when are you going to tell her that the cast is fake and your arm is fine?

Tamaki: Oh, in due time Haruhi. Let's enjoy this while we ca- (Dani standing behind him witha frying pan) I should run now shouldn't I?

Dani: Let's see if I can actually give you a reason to need a cast!!!!!!! (Chases the fleeing Tamaki) GET BACK HERE YOU BITCH! (Various screams and Crashes ensue)

* * *

**that silly tamaki...trying to trick Dani...hahaha**

Tamaki: HELP ME!

Dani: I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!

**YOU TWO GET OUT OF THE PREVEIW THING!!**

**stick around for more silly stuff...and violence. YAY VIOLENCE.**


	5. Revenge and Reno

**I DO NOT OWN OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB OR RENO FROM FINAL FANTASY SEVEN.**

**Damn I wish I did though...Reno is so sexy :3**

* * *

Dani: Oh Tamaki~

Tamaki: (hiding yet again) y-y-yes Princess?

Dani: I have a surprise for you~ (grinning) you have to come out to get it~

Tamaki: Put the Frying Pan Down first! (Pokes his head out from behind the couch)

Dani: I don't have it see? (Shows him her empty hands) Kyoya made Mori take it away.

Tamaki: (slowly comes out) w-what's the surprise??

Dani: (pulls out a picture of haruhi photo shopped into a very sexy cocktail dress) Ta-da~! (Giggles and hands it to him) The twins helped with this.

Haruhi: DANI! (Glares) You're just as bad as Tamaki-sempai!!

Tamaki: (cuddling the haruhi picture)

Dani: Y-y-you don't mean that haru-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!! (Cries)

Haruhi: yes I do!

Dani: (sulks in the emo corner)

Kyoya: (chuckles and writes something down as usual) I agree with Haruhi.

Dani: I HATE YOU ALL!!!!!!!

Hunny: (starts to cry) even me Dani-chan? And Takashi?!

Mori: (zoned out as usual)

Dani: W-what?! NO!! HUNNY NO!! (Hugs him tightly) I love you…and mori!!!

Tamaki & twins: (Staring at the haruhi picture)

Haruhi: STOP STARING AT THAT YOU PERVERTS!!

Kyoya: (sighs and starts typing on his laptop)

Dani: (still Hugging Hunny)

Mori: …(gets tackled by Renge)

Renge: Never fear! The Host club's Female Manager is here!! (Gets off of Mori)

Dani: WHO LET YOU IN HERE?!

Renge: You may want to rethink who you hired as Security.

(Skips over to Kyoya) Hello my love.

Kyoya: (ignoring Renge)

Dani: (takes out her phone and calls someone)

Reno (From FF7: Advent Children): Yo!

Dani: RENO!

Reno: (holds the phone away from his ear) Yeah?

Dani: DID YOU LET RENGE INTO THE STUDIO!!

Reno: Yeah, what's the big deal she's cut-

Dani: I AM SO DOCKING YOUR PAY!!!!

Reno: (hangs up)

Dani: (throws her phone across the room and stands up) GET OUT RENGE!

Renge: Make me.

Dani: (stares at Renge) YAHHGH! (Tackles Renge)

Renge: help! (Squirms from underneath the psychotic dani trying to kill her)

Dani: DIE FOUL BEAST! RETURN TO WHERE YOU ONCE RESIDED!!!!!

Mori: (picks up dani by the waist holding her in the air) enough.

Dani: b-b-but Takashi-

Mori: I said enough. (Puts her over his shoulder and walks away)

Dani: WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME?! MORI RENGE'S THAT WAY!!!!

Mori: Let's go for a walk. I'll take you to go see that Reno guy you like so much.

Dani: What? No!!! I have a show to do…and a Renge to kill!!! HELP SOMEONE! RENO!!!!!! MORI'S DANI-NAPPING ME AGAIN!!!!!

* * *

**Reno: Yo. Reno here. Uh...tune in next time??? To see if Dani makes it out...Alien?!?! What the hell Dani?! **

**Dani: it says alive!!!!!!! learn how to read damn it!**

**reno: whatever**

**Dani: * phone rings* Hello...yes this is Dani...What?! *hangs up and throws the phone once more***

reno: something wrong?

**Dani: We've been..._CANCELLED. _**

**_Reno: so what now?  
_**

**_Dani: wanna go dye Cloud's hair pink?_**

**_Reno: Let's go!_**

****


End file.
